Try to do what is right

Thursday, December 29, 2005

American Art


I watched most of the PBS show about American Art last night. I forgot it was on and tuned in about a half hour in. I have realized I like Stuart Davis much more than I thought. It did not endear Pollack, Warhol or Rauschenberg to me. I always thought they were crap and still do. Andy was the Madonna of the 60s and 70s. No talent artistically, but could really tune the media. Pollack had talent, but decided to thumb his nose at the art world with the splatter vomit. Rauschenberg seems mildly retarded.
I guess I shouldn't say Warhol had no artistic talent-as a graphic artist, I suppose he was passable. It still bowls me over that we have an entire museum dedicated to Warhol here in Pittsburgh. Where's Mary Cassatt??
The above is a picture of my purse. It's Marilyn and orange!I can hear Andy laughing as I type.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Katherine Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe

Probably on opposite ends of the spectrum, but equally cool to me.
"Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting. And you don't do that by sitting around wondering about yourself." -Katherine Hepburn

"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." -Marilyn Monroe

Some other cool women:
Eleanor Roosevelt
Betty Page
Mary Magdelan
Hilary Clinton
Teresa Heinz Kerry
Georgia O'Keefe
Sojourner Truth
Elizabeth Blackwell
Florence Sabin
Clara Barton
Queen Hatshepsut
Frida Kahlo
Sandra Day O'Connor
Margaret Sanger!!!

Please feel free to add your own.

Stripey head


I love this picture of my baby's head.

Camels and Dad


My father had such a good time riding these camels. There is visible joy there.
Annoyance, discomfort, fear is what I'm feeling. The man leading my camel is bugging me for money. I'm off center. I'm holding on because I feel as though at any moment I will be kissing sand.
However, I'm also thinking "I'm actually riding a camel near the Giza Complex in Egypt, North Africa. How cool is that?

Monday, December 26, 2005

Post Christmas Release

Yeah! It's over. I never thought I would say that. I used to love Christmas. Maybe I will love it again someday. Too much sadness this year. Dad and now my Grandmother. The kids seemed to enjoy themselves and I am happy about that.
I'm very skeptical about my husband's brother. With his recent history, I can't help but think this is just another ploy to try to get money etc from his Dad. I hope I'm never in my father in law's position-a kid (40 yrs. old) who is an addict, but won't admit it; has no job; no place to live; extremely self-centered, but he won't give up on him. I don't think my brother in law realizes how lucky he is. I think my father in law feels responsible for the way his son is. Anyway, my brother in law did most of the cooking for Chrismas dinner, but he knew his Dad would be giving him a card with a bunch of money in it. So, a day or two of work in the kitchen would equal good money, plus he gets food, a decent place to sleep, etc for a couple days. He is pathetic and I want to feel some sympathy for him, but he is such a jerk, I just can't find it in me. My husband mentioned we are planning a trip to Vegas and the Grand Canyon in a few months and my brother in law's response was "I hear it's a big hole in the ground. If I get a shovel and dig a big hole in the backyard you can go look at that and then will you give me the money you are spending on that trip? I couldn't even pretend to be nice to him after that.
So, there's the brother in law that I can't stand, first Christmas without both of my parents, and my period starts. Can I just please go through menopause right now?? I already occasionally have hot flashes and night sweats. I'm done having kids. The periods themselves are getting worse as far as symptoms etc go. I would really like to be done with that mess. Ugh!
Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Nutcracker Picket Line

I took my four year old daughter to see the Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre's Nutcracker today. She loved it. She's the ultimate girly girl and is taking ballet.
Now, I have been following the news regarding the Ballet no longer using live musicians for performances. I think it stinks, but I don't attend the ballet on a regular basis, so have been the usual apathetic american. What I didn't realize was that the musicians are picketing the theatre. So, here's the very pro-union, usually not apathetic about people being out of work, human rights activist crossing a picket line. I know it is easy to say now, but had I known they were picketing, I wouldn't have purchased tickets. I'm sorry to say, my convictions are not stronger than my girly girl ballet loving daughter. There was very little chance after getting dressed up, going downtown, paying (what to me is alot of money) for the tickets, I was going to tell my daughter we aren't going to see the performance cause Mommy can't cross a picket line. I'm not going to make any excuses-I'm weak.
I will, however, contact the Ballet and tell them to do whatever they can to get live musicians back in the theater.
I can't get excited about Christmas anymore. I'm trying to get there. I am excited to see the kids on Christmas morning. I hope they are happy. My daughter did mention the other day that she and her brother have too many toys and don't really need a bunch of toys for Christmas. I had to do a double take. I asked her if next year we could forget about a bunch of presents and take the money for a vacation instead-she actually agreed, though I doubt she will remember the conversation next year when I try to hold her to it. Actually, I think I could talk the kids into it rather easily. It is my husband that seems to be the problem-Mr. Buddhist, Co-op etc. I don't get it.
My grandmother has been in the hospital and nursing homes since shortly after my dad's memorial service. I feel so horribly because I am not advocating for her like I should. I've been trying to get my brother to take over her care needs as much as possible. I am just not up to it. After my dad and my mother, not to mention my usual caregiving duties as wife and mother, I am completely used up. Wring me out and hang me up to dry.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

thanksgiving

So, here I am cleaning and cooking in prep for hosting Thanksgiving again. I hate to clean. I hate to cook. I am missing my family. I'm having a hard time not having anyone from my childhood around for holidays etc. It is sad and weird. Thanksgiving isn't a big deal, never was, but, I'm feeling kind of lost. I can't really explain it except that I'm dealing with grief and the holidays make the grief that much more difficult. I'm supposed to put on a happy face, when I would really rather be some other place. Out of the country would be great. No thanksgiving.
Not feeling really thankful.
Annoyed and tired.
I have a huge final exam project due next week. Also, have a final exam to study for, but never mind that, got to make the dressing and the pie.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Memorial Service

My father's memorial service was yesterday. I'm so glad it is over. It was not the moving celebration I would have wanted, but it seemed to be what my brother and grandmother wanted. So, if it made them happy, I'm glad for that. It was held at a christian missionary alliance church, which is so far removed from the unitarian church I attend. Even pre-Unitarian, I attended at Methodist church, which is very formal, but not the Jesus is the answer type of thing the missionary alliance seems to be.
It always amazes me, the assumption, that I believe what you believe. The minister of this missionary alliance church could not conceive of the fact that I don't believe Jesus died for my sins. Of course, my grandmother would be floored to learn what a heretic her granddaughter is. Shame on me! It is a good thing Jesus died for my sins, but it doesn't matter cause if I don't admit Jesus saves then I'm goin' to hell.
The All Souls service at my church today was much more comforting to my grief than the actual memorial service. Reverent, simple, resonant.
We also had Vic Walzchek (I'm sure that spelling is way off), who is the ACLU guy for Pittsburgh. He is currently trying the Intelligent Design case in Dover. Boy, I'm definitely going to hell. Intelligent design should not be taught in school, my kids wore their halloween costumes to church and Jesus is not going to save me. My poor, poor soul.
I miss my parents.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

vascular surgeon

Gee, why didn't I do this sooner? Oh yeah, my former PCP told me insurance wouldn't cover it, "go home, stay off your feet and take ibuprofin." That is what she said. My thoughts were: are you kidding me? I have two young children and a house to take care of, a dog, a husband and you are telling me to stay off my feet????
I just can't stand it any longer. I hate having to wear those nasty stockings in order to be able to do any kind of normal activities. If I don't wear the nasty things, then my legs hurt so bad, I want to cry. Yeah, stay off your feet. Sure. mmmm... my daughter wants me to dance with her, my son wants me to play ball with him, I need to do laundry, dishes, vacuum, mop, walk, wait for a trolley, grocery shop.
I am to the point where I cannot live this way any longer. I will pay for the surgery, I don't care. This is not living. I'm only 37 and have the legs of a 70 year old.
Anyway, go to a vascular surgeon. He's very cute, by the way. What is with all the cute doctors (all surgeons, mind you) of late? Why didn't I meet them when I was 20 and still had nice legs? I digress. Sure, we can take care of that for you, he says. Insurance will cover it, no problem.
Dare I say, I may be able to live without pain for the first time in 10 years???